I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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