It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
