Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
