I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
