If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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