the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
