i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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