worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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