what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
