I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well you can't waste a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
