Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
