i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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