Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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