Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
