peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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