He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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