he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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