I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
