do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
