let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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