Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
