Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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