I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
