I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
