dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
