im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
