My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
