i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I deserve this hangover.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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