I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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