He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
