'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
