I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
