There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
