real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
