this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
