You're my little dorito
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
