So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
