I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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