would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
