I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
