I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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