A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
