Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
