I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
