i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
