why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
