I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
