I'm so fucking centered right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
