no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
