What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
