Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
