just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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