hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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