I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
