Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
