He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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